Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Shades of Sound

I made this as an entry for a painting contest. I painted this just a few days before graduation so it was a pretty hectic week for me. Good thing I finished it time (barely though!) This is actually the biggest painting I've made so far and I was pretty surprised at how much I ended up liking the outcome. I really had fun making it! It now hangs in my boyfriend's house...I might decide to bring it home eventually.

Shades of Sound

Height: 122 cm (48 in)
Width: 91.5 cm (36 in) Depth: 3 cm Medium: Acrylic Painting consists of a silhouette of a girl wearing a headset and listening to music. There are 9 silhouettes in the painting, each one with a different background color of blue, yellow ochre, red orange, yellow green, rose pink, blue green, yellow, pthalo green, and violet. Artist’s Statement I wanted to create something that puts together my two greatest loves in the world—music and art. The way I see it, music and art are the language of the soul. A beautiful painting doesn’t come from just swirling around a paintbrush loaded with paint. No…it needs something more. Something that comes from a deeper part of a person. The same goes with writing songs or making music. One has to put his heart and soul into it or else it will turn out to be just a song, or just a painting. When I listen to music, I tend to put myself in the songwriter’s or the musician’s shoes—imagining what he must’ve been thinking or going through. And whether it was a joyous moment, a sad affair or a bittersweet goodbye—I’ll feel for that person. I know how music can really make a person feel things. My painting shows just how music can bring about certain emotions from people. For artists, words are never enough. They just never do same justice the way colors do. What better way to describe the way I feel about music than to paint it?

left-brained mom, right-brained mom

i have two moms. okay, not really. i have one biological mom and the other is my sort-of-mom (and maybe might become my mom-in-law in the future, who knows?)

well, just in case some people don't know what a left-brained and right-brained person is...then let me enlighten you.

left-brained is a term used to describe one who commonly uses logic and reasoning when dealing with life. they tend to look at problems as something like that of a math equation, it can be solved with the right formula in a systematic manner. they concern themselves with things that have numbers and precision. these people usually end up as bankers, lawyers, doctors and statisticians. and they are more often than not--right handed.

a right-brained is exactly the opposite. they are the creative people who see the world as a canvas waiting to be splashed with all the beautiful colors imaginable, a song waiting to be written, a dream waiting to be ventured into. they don't base decisions on logic but on feeling and instinct. and they look for meaning in every situation. these people are artists, musicians, poets, writers, dreamers... and, they are usually left-handed.

(see, there's a reason why right-brained people are left-handed and vice versa. the human brain is a funny thing...to put it in layman's terms, there is this sort of cross-over of functioning somewhere along your medulla or something like it. and so brain functioning is working opposite sides. you get the picture.)

my real mom, the one who gave birth to me--i call her my left-brained mom. well, not to her face obviously, but only to myself. all she ever tells me to do are to get my nclex application documents done, make sure i get real good grades in school, save money, earn money etc. and when i go out and buy paints and materials for my artworks, all she see is the price tag. ok, that's exaggerating a little bit. i know she cares for my art as well but not as much as she wants to see me financially successful, that's for sure.

my other mom is tita lyn. that's actually mickey's real mom. she's an artist as well and whenever i go over their house, she's always telling to try out this new paints or pastels she bought. she lets me use her materials and doesn't mind how much i use up. money is never an issue there. even if money is sometimes tight, it would never be tight enough for her not to buy new art books or new cans of paint. a real artist i must say.

so i have two moms...and they both challenge me in their own way. i used to think i was a right-brained because i love art and music so much. but then again, in some ways i'm also a left-brained. i make decisions based on logic and reasoning and i used to really like math and science growing up. plus i'm right-handed. so i guess i'm both a left-brained and a right-brained. it's not too bad really except for times when my paintings get influenced over how much paint i must not consume, or when i have to make an important decision but then end up basing it on sentiments and feelings instead.

just take a look at me...the artist-turned nurse-turned artist again-and will soon become a serious nurse. it's like a merry-go-round that never ends-- yet always in a circle. forever whole.

art. inspirations.

I want to paint

...the magic of a first kiss.

...the joy of hearing a beautiful song for the first time.

...the tingly feeling from someone's touch.

...the comfort of a tight hug.

...the bliss of being in love.

...the sadness of goodbye.

...the grief in heartache.

...the fulfillment of a lost dream.

I want to paint something that means something to someone.

I want to paint to inspire and to renew someone's faith in love. In art. In peace. In God.

I want to paint to give meaning to life... and to everything that makes it worth living.

the blue guitar

The Blue Guitar - 13.5 x 10" acrylic on Arches watercolor paper

I was thinking of painting something as a gift to a very good friend of mine and I ended up with this. I like it too much that I'm hesitating whether I'd keep it for myself or not. Hehe! I'm not sure if this is supposed to represent me..maybe. I do love playing the guitar and in a way, I could say that I prefer having the guitar with me when I sing in front of an audience. It's like, a shield of some sort for me. "Do your worst, I've got my guitar to protect me." This is probably what the painting means although I didn't think of it that way that time. Why a nude girl? Because I like to show my true self when it comes to my art and music. No boundaries, no pretenses. And now that I think about it, her hair flying wildly everywhere represents my need to be free. Free from the fear everytime I paint. It's like, there are times I'm terrified of what people would think of my painting. I also fear that I myself won't like it. I usually end up painting conventionally because of that restriction. However, what I do like to end up painting (this is my present goal) is something still reality-based but with a touch of a dreamy-like quality. And now I've been telling myself frequently that what people think doesn't really matter. It shouldn't anyway.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

confessions of a frustrated artist

it's just one of those days again...

i find myself glancing at the shelf where my paintbrushes and watercolors are kept. Unused. Untouched. As if they were left there by mistake by some stranger. how did it all come down to this? why do i find it to difficult to pick up where i left off?

i've been thinking about my life lately. here i am stuck in a job i don't even like. it's so stagnating...it's making my teeth hurt.
if when i resign, i'd probably land a job in the hospital, being a nurse and all that. i'll find myself trudging down the path to financial stability as others might call it. and i just know it won't be my cup of tea. i cant imagine letting my life drag by as one monotonous routine. i want something dynamic-- where going to work is exciting because you don't know what's in store for you, where you control time and you are your own boss, where work is not work because you love what your doing. anybody would have figured it out by now...being in the medical field wasn't my choice. for a moment in time, i believed i was being a decent human being by making a decision based on the cliche "parents know best."

if i only stood up for myself and took a risk... so what if that art world is competitive, right? so what if it's unstable and erratic? life is always full of surprises, but that's what makes it exciting. that's what makes it worth living in the first place. besides, i've always been one who strive for the best. i know somehow, in one way or another i'd make it.

i've had a chat with maxine a few months back with regards to this and she asked me a question that made me stop in my tracks. our call center lingo would refer to it as dead air.

"why aren't you taking this opportunity to at least join art exhibits? you've got a couple of paintings back home that are really good."

yeah, why not?

that really got me thinking.

to be frank...my opinions about my paintings are as unpredictable as the weather these days. sometimes, the paintings i found at least acceptable before are now lifeless and dull. depends on my mood really. it would really take a lot of assurance from people to make me believe my artwork is worth displaying. my family and friends only have good things to say when it comes to my art. of course, they are my friends...they'd say what i want to hear. okay, so let's say these were said with the utmost sincerity... but what would my friends know? will people in the art world be able to say the same thing? i know criticism is something you should learn to face later on, especially when you're in this kind of industry. but my art is me. a negative remark about my art is like a dagger thrust to my heart, right down to the core of my being.

so that's the irony of the situation. i want to express myself through my art...yet i'm terrified of the thought of showing it to the world.

a frustrated artist-- that's what i am.